


So Tired

by MetaVirus



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Anorexia, Depression, Gen, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-21
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-26 13:10:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2653187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MetaVirus/pseuds/MetaVirus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alluka was prone to worrying about her older brother. He never seemed to care for his own health and wasn’t one to seek help when he needed it. On their travels they had seen so many things, and met an array of characters (ones that Killua knew and didn’t) but it wasn’t until Bisky, one of Killua’s old mentors, asked Alluka to keep an eye on Killua’s health that she realized that he wasn’t eating (at least not like he used to).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He’d bounce back/He’ll be sure to eat tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> For an anon on tumblr who requested this fic! Since I'm making it sorta long I'm just posting the first half for now. I'll update the rest once I finish!
> 
> NOTE; this fic deals with Killua experiencing the beginning of some anorexia symptons. Please don't read if this makes you uncomfortable. Also, I only did a little research so if there's anything that is absolutely wrong please feel free to tell me and I will edit to fix my mistake.

        Alluka was prone to worrying about her older brother. He never seemed to care for his own health and wasn’t one to seek help when he needed it. On their travels they had seen so many things, and met an array of characters (ones that Killua knew and didn’t) but it wasn’t until Bisky, one of Killua’s old mentors, asked Alluka to keep an eye on Killua’s health that she realized that he wasn’t eating (at least not like he used to).  
          “Onii-chan aren’t you going to order something for yourself?”  
          “I already ate Alluka.”  
          “But I was with you all day and you didn’t!”  
          “I ate when you were in that clothing store for a good couple hours.”  
Alluka hummed as a waiter placed a large plate of spaghetti in front of her. She was in there for a while  (they had some cute flower printed dresses) but she distinctly remembered seeing her brother’s white tuft of hair as he sat on a bench outside the store since he had mentioned being too tired to try clothes with her (which was very rare). Even now as she looked across the table to him, she could see his face was paler than usual.

* * *

 

          For some reason Killua couldn’t sleep. He could tell he was tired, but his mind just wouldn’t shut down. He could feel a migraine pounding in his head and his stomach hurt like hell. If anyone saw Killua they wouldn’t know the difference since it was easy for him to ignore his own pain and put on a straight face. Well, he wouldn’t be able to get rid of it anyway without enough morphine to take down a horse (after all that poison training even useful drugs were rendered useless unless they were in high enough doses).

          Tossing and turning, he finally decided to get up and see what was in the hotel mini-fridge. An array of bottled drinks lined the two small shelves and after surveying the choices he chose a sugary soda. He looked over to Alluka’s bed seeing her sleeping form breathing at a slow pace. Walking over the bathroom, grabbing his phone on the way, he closed the door, and sat in the dark.

          Killua unlocked his phone and looked at his recent e-mails (he hadn’t checked them recently since he was busy with Alluka visiting places). There was a few messages but he only opened Gon’s since he hadn’t heard from his best friend in at least 2 months. Seems like he was having a hard time studying and staying indoors but he was almost done catching up to the other kids. Killua chuckled quietly while reading the messily written e-mail, Gon’s grammar was horrible.

          Killua opened his soda and took a sip. His stomach grumbled. When was the last time he had eaten? He couldn’t remember. All he knew is that even though he has an appetite, every time he put something in his mouth he didn’t want to swallow. He didn’t want to feel hungry but he also didn’t want to eat. Killua chalked it up to stress, he had been having a hard time sleeping lately so it seemed like he was also tired all the time. He convinced himself that it would pass before it got worse.

          Killua sipped on a bit more of the soda but didn’t swallow. He felt his tummy do a flip. He quickly placed the soda down and shuffled to the toilet and spit out the liquid. Soon he was gagging on his own spit as he dry heaved. Killua kept an ear on the inside of the hotel room as he did his best to muffle the sounds he couldn’t control. It was difficult, he really didn’t want to wake Alluka (he would be fine). As he kneeled spitting the saliva that was pooling in his mouth he realized he was tired.  
  
So tired.

          Killua flushed down whatever small bit of liquid he vomited and rinsed his mouth. He’d bounce back. He’ll be sure to eat tomorrow.

* * *

 

          Alluka woke up first. It was a rare occurrence so she relished being able to shower first without her brother rushing her. As she took her time in the bathroom she thought about Killua. She couldn’t remember the last time she saw him eat a full meal even though he was constantly ragging on her eating habits and buying her large dinners. He even seemed more tired than before, he used to have nightmares often but now it seemed like he slept longer but never seemed to gain any more strength.

          Alluka was worried but she was excited for today in particular. She had told Gon where they were since he was taking a quick break from his studies in order to train and have some fresh air. Killua didn’t know, but it was good timing for Gon to come, Alluka and Nanika had hoped he would raise Killua’s spirits. They both had discussed before-hand about inviting Gon as a birthday present for Killua but decided to make him come early since right now they weren’t too far from Whale Island.

* * *

 

          Killua woke up. He felt no better than yesterday, probably worse. When he sat up he felt dizzy and sick to his stomach. He sighed and placed his hands on his head. He felt so cold. So fucking cold, the heating in the hotel must be set low. He bundled himself in covers, he would sleep a little longer. He didn’t feel like getting up at all. He didn’t feel like doing anything.

          “Ugh, I want to fall asleep and never wake up again.” He muttered under his breath. Soon enough his eyes shut and he fell asleep.


	2. We'll be Here for You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ll go get dressed.” Killua said as he got up quickly from the bed his vision swaying a little. Both Alluka and Gon shared a quick worried glance as Killua disappeared into the bathroom with a duffel bag of clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 for Anon on Tumblr!

          When Alluka finished getting ready she was surprised Killua wasn’t up yet.

          “Onii-chan! Get up! It’s so late already…” and just before she could finish her sentence there was a knock at the door. At that Killua opened his eyes but before he could stop Alluka she skipped to the door and opened it to reveal Gon.

          “Wow! Alluka you’ve grown so much since I last saw you!”  
          “You too Gon! It’s already been a year and you’re so tall now!” as Alluka spoke Gon smiled widely and looked over her shoulder to see a cranky Killua lying in bed staring at him in disbelief.

          “I didn’t know you were coming?” Killua managed to say as Gon practically sprinted across the room to throw Killua into a bear hug.

          “I know! It was supposed to be a surprise!” Gon exclaimed. Killua relaxed into the hug just enjoying the fact that Gon was so warm. “God, Killua you’re so cold. And tiny, why are you so skinny?” Gon asked with a tinge of worry.

          “Oh, it’s nothing. I might’ve caught a cold or something.” At Killua’s response both Gon and Alluka looked at him with wide eyes.

          “You should really eat something then. Some soup is good if you’re sick! Instead of going out why don’t we order in?” Gon suggested, clearly not very keen on having Killua going outside when he looked like death. Gon could see dark circles under his eyes, and when he had hugged Killua he felt so tiny. He had his muscle still, but Gon felt too many bones than usual, something was wrong.

          “Sure that sounds good.” Killua smiled and nodded. Internally he cursed. What if he couldn’t keep the food down? He probably wouldn’t be able to get out of this one. He would be **fine**. He just needed a few days to recover, so what?

          “I’ll go get dressed.” Killua said as he got up quickly from the bed his vision swaying a little. Both Alluka and Gon shared a quick worried glance as Killua disappeared into the bathroom with a duffel bag of clothes.

* * *

 

          The food came about an hour later while the three shared their stories about the past year. Gon knew where they had went for the most part (they e-mailed often) but it was different seeing both Killua and Alluka talking animatedly about all the things they had done. Gon was a little jealous, he wanted to do those things too but he had to catch up on his school work first and then he had to work on getting his nen back.

          Gon set up their food on the floor since there wasn’t enough room on the small table in the hotel room. He and Alluka had gotten some hearty meat combos while Gon had got Killua chicken soup. Both Alluka and Gon watched silently as Killua set himself up to eat, filling his spoon with only broth and blowing on it.

          “What.” Killua said meeting Gon’s eyes.  
          “Oh, uh nothing. Sorry, I just haven’t seen you in so long!” Gon scratched the back of his head sheepishly. Killua hummed and placed the spoon back into the bowl. When both Alluka and Gon started on their meals he picked it back up again, only broth, blew slowly. He sipped silently a little. Killua felt sick.

          “I’ll be right back” Killua said hurriedly and got up. Both Killua and Gon watched as he walked, so slowly to the bathroom.

          “Killua are you okay?” Gon asked, getting up. This was scary.  
          “Yeah, I’m just a little dizzy-“ Killua replied but it came out so quiet. Before he knew it everything went black.

* * *

 

          As soon as Gon saw Killua’s eyes roll a little he rushed to his friend just barely preventing Killua from getting a concussion from hitting his head on the floor.

* * *

 

          Killua woke up in a white bed with an IV stuck into his forearm. He felt so tired but his stomach wasn’t so upset like before. He supported himself on his elbows to look around. It was pretty clear he was in a hospital. The curtains were shut, and the lights were off but he was able to see the pair of familiar faces of Gon and Alluka scrunched up as they both were attempting to sleep on the uncomfortable chairs in the corner of the room.

          Gon’s eyes flickered open and he saw Killua sitting up in his bed. He nearly tripped over himself getting to the side of his best friend’s bed.

          “Killua!” Gon exclaimed in the best inside voice he could muster since the other patients and Alluka were still sleeping. “What’s going on? The doctor said that you were starving yourself and passed out from dehydration!” Killua didn’t meet Gon’s eyes and settled for staring at his tanned friend’s hands that were placed on the bed.

          “I must’ve forgotten…” Killua began.

          “Alluka said that something was wrong but you wouldn’t tell her.” Gon said tersely.

          “What?”

          “I was going to see you today anyway, but Alluka said something had been weird with you lately!” Gon said a little softer. “And you…” Gon’s voice broke a little, and when Killua stole a glance upwards he saw that Gon was on the verge of tears. “You fainted! I was so worried… And you’re so skinny now, what happened?”

          Silence greeted Gon’s questions. Killua stared even more intently at his friend’s knuckles; he could see some skin peeling off.

          “I didn’t mean to…” Killua whispered. “I just couldn’t do it. I tried to eat, I really did. But every time I swallowed I ended up throwing it up. I didn’t want to worry Alluka.” Killua looked up to Gon. “Sorry.”

          “Don’t be sorry, you should’ve asked one of us for help!” Alluka yelled from her chair, Gon and Killua both jumping from the sound. Alluka got up from her chair, stomping her feet on her way to her brother, and pulled Killua into a tight hug. “Don’t do this again okay?” Alluka said.

          “I promise… I won’t.” Killua managed to say as Gon joined the group hug.

          “Both Gon, Nanika, and I love you so don’t you dare.” Alluka said angrily into her brother’s hair. “We’re going to stay here and see what the doctor’s say you should do to get better.”

          “We will both be here for you.” Gon says, hugging the Zoldyck siblings tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Killua fainted from dehydration since I think that would affect him before low-blood pressure? His anorexia wouldn't be the nervosa kind (which is heavily related to body-image and forceful vomiting). I think his lack of eating would be due to depression since it can create a sort of domino effect. Again, I only did a little research so if there's anything that isn't correct please let me know.
> 
> All of you, please take care of yourselves and seek help if you need it. Also have a drink of water!


End file.
